Como lidar com adolescente: Nunca o equilíbrio entre poder e autoridade foi tão importante pra se relacionar com o filho adolescente.
A pergunta que não quer calar: O adolescente “de hoje” aceita a autoridade dos pais?
Conversando em uma roda de amigos sobre como lidar com adolescente, fui surpreendida por um deles que me puxou de canto e perguntou curioso:
– Na sua opinião, o adolescente de hoje aceita a autoridade dos pais?
Sorrindo, respondi da forma mais simples que aquela pergunta me permitia:
– Sim.
Espantado com a afirmativa imediata e simplista, quis se aprofundar mas a agitação ao redor não me permitiu desenvolver o raciocínio capaz de explicar minha resposta: rapidamente, fomos reintegrados ao grupo.
Movida por aquela abordagem, decidi fazer minhas considerações aqui, um bom tema para discutir. Quem sabe outros pais e mães ávidos por saber como lidar com adolescente tal qual aquele amigo também não estejam curiosos com a resposta?
Adolescente aceita a autoridade dos pais quando esta habilidade é treinada e desenvolvida
Não tive a chance de esclarecer se o amigo se referia à rebeldia do filho adolescente que enfrenta o poder dos pais. Acho que foi isso que tentou dizer e me permito entender dessa forma.
Seguramente afirmo: adolescentes (independente se dessa ou de qualquer outra geração) reconhecem a autoridade dos pais quando pais treinam e desenvolvem essa habilidade.
Poder e autoridade são coisas diferentes: minha “posição” de mãe me garante (ou deveria garantir) o poder sobre meu filho, mas não minha autoridade. Essa depende da minha habilidade de influenciá-lo enquanto aquela, da minha capacidade de coagi-lo.
Diante disso, devolvo a pergunta a você, pai e mãe: que relação você gostaria de construir para lidar com adolescente? Na base do poder ou da autoridade?
Aproveite nossa página do Facebook e compartilhe mais experiências: Clique aqui!
Saber como lidar com adolescente é saber como influenciar de forma positiva
Penso que ter autoridade seja um caminho melhor para lidar com adolescente. Porém, também sei que há casos em que o poder precisa falar mais alto, especialmente em situações de risco à segurança do filho.
Considerando não ser este o caso, reitero minha opinião: filhos adolescentes aceitam a autoridade dos pais. Mas, pra isso, pais precisam saber como influenciá-los.
Então? Você está fazendo sua parte?
Diante de uma geração ágil, fragilizada, amedrontada, objetiva, introspectiva, digital, antenada e cheia de opiniões, o desafio de saber como lidar com filho adolescente aumentou. Mas a cada nova geração, o desafio aumenta! Até aí, normal.
Seria contraproducente crer, contudo, que o poder exercido pelos pais no passado seja adequado ao novo perfil e cenário que vivemos hoje. Não porque “adolescentes de hoje” sejam rebeldes ou insubordinados mas porque hoje participam ativamente da dinâmica familiar, bem diferente do passado.
Foi-se o tempo em que adolescentes seguiam ordens “porque o pai mandou”. A imposição de tarefas, a exigência de comportamentos e afazeres já não são prontamente atendidas como no passado. E isso não tem a ver com desrespeito aos pais mas à nova dinâmica e às regras estabelecidas entre as partes.
Quer você goste ou não, essa é a nova realidade: adolescentes de hoje são questionadores, precisam de um propósito para fazer as coisas, não se submetem a uma exigência pura e simples: querem saber o porquê dela. E, não se engane, argumentarão se a explicação não for convincente. Não será apenas um novo perfil em uma nova era que nos exige novas atitudes?
Diante disso, não há como responder àquela pergunta sem considerar o conceito de liderança. Se você quiser viver a adolescência junto com seu filho, terá de aprender a liderar. Pra isso, experimente dosar o poder e a autoridade sobre o filho; exercite sua influência.
Liderar em casa é inspirar filho adolescente e conquistar a autoridade tão desejada
Como executiva de grande empresa, pensei dominar a arte de influenciar. Porém, foi como mãe de adolescente que descobri que ainda me faltava competência pra isso. Ao lidar com adolescente precisei aprimorar habilidades de relacionamento. Foi a partir disso que, a cada dia, vou conquistando a autoridade esperada sobre filho.
Consciente da diferença entre poder e autoridade, tento influenciar filho com idéias e argumentos. Minha experiência passa a ser escutada e, trocando opiniões, exercitamos a confiança e o respeito mútuos. Onde há discussão sob diferentes pontos de vista, há exercício de influência.
Influenciar não é exigir, mandar; você até pode obter o que quer de seu filho adolescente usando de autoritarismo. Concordo que haja momentos pra isso. Porém, viver uma relação exclusivamente autoritária não garante que seu filho aceite sua autoridade como pai/mãe. Na primeira oportunidade, a relação será rompida e o filho “rebelde” surgirá.
Lidar com filho adolescente é liderar dentro de casa. E isso não tem nada a ver com poder mas com inspirar, dar exemplo, a assumir que não sabe tudo mas que está aberto a aprender junto quando preciso. Mostrando-se humano e parceiro do filho adolescente, pais estão a um passo de conquistar a autoridade sobre ele.
Lidando com filho adolescente, me concientizei sobre a arte de influenciar
Certa vez, filho adolescente me criticou:
– Mãe, olha como você fala! Esse tom irônico me irrita e já não consigo nem continuar a conversa. Não dá pra falar com você! Que saco!
Passado o espanto (e a mágoa) da crítica, “digeri” o comentário. Atenta “àquele tom irônico irritante” apontado, percebi quanto minhas atitudes inconscientemente afetavam minha relação com filho.
Aprender como lidar com adolescente me ajuda a aparar arestas de relacionamento. Descobri-las, me tiram da zona de conforto e, ao mesmo tempo, me transforma.
A começar por aprender a dialogar, a negociar; a enxergar o novo adulto em formação que pensa, tem opinião, discute, questiona, desafia. Aprender como lidar com filho adolescente é exercício, é prática das habilidades de relacionamento; é saber lidar com pessoas de diferentes perfis, até com os “adolescentes de hoje”.
Equilibrar poder e influência hoje me trazem resultados melhores que os exclusivamente autoritários. Por isso, respondi segura e positivamente à pergunta do amigo.
O poder é inerente ao cargo; a autoridade é conquistada com exercício
Há quem critique essa nova geração rotulando-a como “doente”. Discordo veementemente. Como nós, tem qualidades e defeitos, fortalezas e fraquezas. Prefiro aproveitar o que filho adolescente tem de bom e, no mesmo barco, ajudá-lo a construir sua história com base na liderança saudável, na autoridade conquistada.
O poder de mãe é inerente ao “cargo” e perdura; a autoridade é conquistada. Portanto, reveja atitudes e descubra se está fazendo sua parte. Porque, em um relacionamento, os dois lados precisam se empenhar para descobrir caminhos de conexão.
Aprender como lidar com adolescente não é diferente; independente da geração, é preciso muito exercício. O tempo todo.
Então, amigo, respondi melhor sua pergunta?
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